Sage Advice 79: I’m Good At Television

I don’t get a lot of time to watch television these days because of my computer/the internet (which Is basically a super television on steroids). As such, I don’t usually get to see the wonderful lineups major networks setup for a wonderfully broad audience. From what I’m told, terrible shows usually last quite some time while good shows are quickly smothered by low ratings and cancellation.

Often I wonder what kind of television shows I would put on the air if I had the power needed to do something like that. I’ve got some good ideas, so I’ve decided, for everyone’s benefit, to write down a few television programs I think should be created. I’ve provided the tentative titles, the genre, and a short description for each show.

Love Is Blind (comedy/sitcom)

A blind couple live in the second floor of a bakery. Every episode, each mistakes the other for some kind of pastry and then makes love to it. Each show ends with the couple saying, at the same time, “I thought that mushy stuff was you!”

Ain’t She Cute? (comedy/sitcom)

A quirky and perpetually single girl moves into an apartment with a group of guys who are geeky/weird/handsome/smart/a black guy. Each episode features the quirky girl flirting with each guy by acting totally wacky and off-the-wall. Season finale is a gangbang.

The Right Side Of The Law (drama)

A cop who doesn’t play by the rules decides to change the rules by becoming a state senator and passing legislation that is better tailored to his method of police enforcement. Each episode illustrates the process of law-making in excruciating detail.

We Don’t Mind That We Are Terrible (reality)

Wealthy people who are famous because they are wealthy continue existing. Their train wreck of an existence is filmed and edited for the masses to consume. Season finale is a gangbang.

To Boldly Act Where No Man Has Acted Before(reality/sci-fi)

A team of NASA astronauts act out the entire first season of the original Star Trek series on the International Space Station. Season finale is a gangbang (that happened in Star Trek, right?)

I’m not sure who I have to pitch these ideas to, but I don’t understand how these shows couldn’t work on just about any major television network. If someone can get me connected with some kind of big-time executive, I would really appreciate it.


-Matthew Fugere

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