Sage Advice 79.5: I’m Gooder At Television

Some more incredible ideas for television shows came to me in my dreams last night. I decided the world had to know about them. As such:

I’m Your New Parent (childrens/animated)

A cartoon mother and father look into the camera for a half-hour. The animated parents nod their heads and occasionally say, “I love you” among other heartfelt comments. The show is designed to allow parents to abandon their children in a room with a television for several hours a day while providing a simulation of the unconditional love a child needs to grow into well rounded adult.

Mumbles (comedy/British/sitcom)

A horrible British television show that tricks Americans into thinking it’s good/sophisticated because of the accents of the characters. Season finale is a really classy fart competition.

Survival Of The Fittest (reality/gameshow)

Ten incredibly overweight people and ten incredibly underweight people take-up proper diets and exercise regiments to acquire an ideal and healthy physical condition. As each contestant reaches the goal, he/she is allowed to pick one member of the other team to eat. The winning team is determined by the collective weight of the surviving contestants at the end of the season (the heavier of the two being the winner.)

No One Knows Why We Haven’t Been Asked To Leave Yet (comedy/sitcom)

A group of friends meet at the same bar at the same table with the same chairs every single night for several years. The group never buys drinks and often destroys property. The wait staff and management of the bar have no problems with the group’s behavior. Season finale is a gangbang.

No big-time network executives have contacted me yet, but I’m sure once they get wind of how unique and amazing my vision for television is, I’ll start to get some calls.

Sincerely,

-Matthew Fugere

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