Sage Advice 54: Group Dynamics

How people interact and communicate in group environments has always intrigued me. The confidence and pride of an individual can be shattered when they are faced with sharing those characteristics, yet, at the same time, the coy and the shy can become vocal leaders when they are tasked to cooperate. I thought it would be interesting if we analyzed archetypes common with group dynamics.

The pseudo-leader is probably the most recognizable member of a group. This is the person who really wants power but is far too incompetent to deserve such responsibility. Your pseudo-leader will say things like C’mon guys, let’s get it together!  or Yeah, let’s hustle. We’re a team! Their verbal contribution generally resides more on the shut-the-fuck-up-you-noncontributing-cunt side of efficiency and less on the productive side.

The parasite is another notable character in a normal group. This person, much like the pseudo-leader, is frustratingly annoying and incapable of being useful. The parasite refuses to participate in any practical or constructive manner but will always, without fail, slip in at the last moment to take the right amount of credit for the work. Compared to the pseudo-leader, the parasite is actually easier to deal with, for at least it is absent for most of the work and therefore cannot inhibit progress.

The martyr is the most annoying yet effective person in the group. They will do all the work. They will get the least amount of credit. They will constantly talk about how important they are. They will make you feel guilty and worthless. They are cunts.

If you want to effectively work with a group, you have to remember the three Es:

  • Ego before all, you have to make yourself the center of all attention and conflict
  • Everybody is stupid except for you
  • Everything is easier if you make someone else do it

If you use this comprehensive analysis of group dynamics to your benefit, your next business project and/or meeting should go over much more smoothly. Try to pick out which description fits you best and act the shit out of that position.

Sincerely,

-Matthew Fugere

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