Sage Advice 53: Totally Vintage

There’s a certain part of our culture that seems to truly value the idea of vintage; young people adore using and seeing things that are either old or are representations of something old.

The best example comes in the form vinyl records. The kids these days love records. You know, the huge black disc-shaped music encoders that you need a giant needle for to operate. “MP3s?” the 21st century digital-based yet analog-eccentric hipsters may decry. “I really prefer when there’s a slight buzzing sound behind all my music. It just sounds more authentic.”

What they really mean is that they prefer the image of something old and out-of-date. It’s nostalgia… for a time when they didn’t exist yet.

It makes me wonder if that trend will bleed over into other parts of our culture. Will people soon prefer the rotary phone over their smart phone? Could morse code make a comeback in the coming years? What about civil right issues? Will it be cool to not vote or not own land if you’re a woman?

What’s most important about these vintage looks is the looks part. You have to be able to show off how ironic and indie you are with an actual thing. That’s why I think it would be great if the next trend was polio vaccinations. People could turn that down in favor of the totally vintage and ironic iron lung. The ironic lung. If that’s not a band name, it will be in about five minutes.

The next time you’re sitting around, thinking about how useful and incredible technology has become during this very young century, just remember this: you’re lame as shit unless you own something that people were fascinated by before the analog world started to transition into the digital world. Stop living in the 21st century and start living in the irony.


-Matthew Fugere

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