Sage Advice 113: Suggestions For New Flavors Of DORITOS®

The following is a list of suggestions for new flavors of DORITOS®:

  • Leftover Chinese food
  • Dog fur
  • Bread
  • Old newspaper
  • Canadian
  • Canadian bacon
  • A mixture of all the current flavors
  • Sweat
  • Contact lenses
  • Vague meat
  • Nacho con diarrhea
  • Diarrhea con nacho
  • Diarrhea
  • E. coli
  • Wet pavement smell
  • Mulched grass
  • Depleted fire hydrant
  • Actual jalapenos
  • Cartoon carrots like the ones Bugs Bunny used to eat that didn’t really look like carrots
  • Moon dust
  • Cupcakes
  • Velvet
  • Velveteen Rabbit
  • Loneliness
  • 42 trombones that were played by fat middle school children
  • Brass instrument saliva residue
  • Colin Farrell
  • Warm spoons
  • Between couch cushions
  • Cool Dude Ranch
  • Maybe some kind of jelly preservatives?
  • The taste of a Ben & Jerry’s DORITOS® inspired ice cream
  • Ducks
  • Gunpowder
  • Freedom

That’s all for now.


-Matthew Fugere

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