Sage Advice 80: Food Blog

Normally as I traverse through the internet, I only make a few stops for my entertainment digestion. A cat video here, a picture of a guy getting punched in the testicles there, and I’m usually all set; I am easily entertained by most of what the internet has to offer. However, I discovered that some people actually write these things called “blogs.” In fact, I found out that what I’m doing right now might even be a “blog.” It’s interesting to find out you are something that you didn’t know you were all along. It’s like the opposite of that time I found out I wasn’t a giraffe.

That’s neither here nor there, though. What matters is a special kind of blog I ran into. Evidently, some people like to take pictures of the food they eat and write about it. How fascinating a concept that is, to record and capture everything your body will eventually turn into waste.

I was too intrigued not to partake in some food-blogging. So, for the first time, here is a journal of everything I’ve put in my body today with commentary on each subject:

10:30 AM

This was breakfast. As you can see, I only got a few centimeters into the middle of the sole. It tasted kind of like dirt, pavement, rain, rubber, that time my parents left me at the park by accident and I stayed there for at least a day and a squirrel became my friend, and salt. I’m not sure I’m going to finish it, and if I do, I will certainly boil it next time.

10:45 AM

I had a few of these after breakfast. I downed them with some coffee and I’ve felt great ever since! It tasted a little bit like a Jaw-Breaker. Hey, remember that movie called that?

1:00 PM

Lunch! I found these bad boys just sitting on the ground. Can you believe someone just left this stuff on the ground? Perfectly good whatever they are just resting on the street. Uh, yeah, sign me up!

1:30 PM

This isn’t so much a picture of the food I ate as it is a picture of the dish I used to eat it. I think I’m going to leave this one to your imagination. See that ring of orange stuff around the bowl-like area? Yeah, it doesn’t have anything to do with that color.

And what would a meal be without a friend to enjoy it with you? This guy was with me during every single dining experience I had today. I’m not sure what he is, but he convinced me that whatever was in the bowl from the last picture was totally eatable.

Well, that’s all I’ve eaten today, and I don’t plan to eat anything else. If you liked my food-blog, just let me know and I’ll make it a regular feature on Sage Advice!

Sincerely,

-Matthew Fugere

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