Sage Advice 40: Plato’s Beard

Plato’s view of a functional state was divided into three crucial, seemingly interdependent types of people found in the society: protective, productive, and governing. Like a tripod of stability, each section of the state has an important and unique task that neither of the other parts could equally perform.

What a freakin’ ‘tard. Good thing everyone stopped taking all the crap that spewed out of Ancient Greek culture seriously a long time ago. Clearly Plato never had to deal with businessmen, senators, or cops. Otherwise his stupid republic would have gone more like this: “Each of these three body parts represent a different caste of society. Look, that’s a picture of my asshole. That’s every cop I’ve ever met. Seriously. You guys are pricks.” Then someone would have beaten his stupid beard with a night stick until he was passed out on the ground.

Then he would be Tasered.

And beaten some more.

Plato must have been too busy going straight Catholic priest style on all the kids in his neighborhood (I guess back then it would have been straight Greek priest style, though they may not have had priests, I’m really not an expert and I encourage you do your own research to confirm) to notice that whenever anyone gets any kind of power from any kind of service they provide, they will do their very best to abuse said power.

Hopefully my tone hasn’t generated a negative view towards such a philosophy; I’m all for abusing power. Honestly, the only reason I haven’t gotten around to doing it myself is because I don’t have any power. Trust me, if I could be the one to abuse the crap out of my ability to beat up Plato’s beard, I’d happily do so.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we should try to be more sympathetic towards people who recklessly endanger the lives of people they brutally belittle and destroy. After all, aren’t we all just a few billion dollars and/or a weapon away from attaining that childhood dream of overcoming anyone who isn’t able to overcome us?


-Matthew Fugere

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