Sage Advice 4: Preparing For The Impossible

People seem quite keen on making strategies for how they’ll handle a zombie apocalypse.  You can ask just about anyone,what are you going to do when the zombie apocalypse happens? They’ll give you a giant list of activities and plans they have memorized.

It’s a good thing that people do this. Planning for things that will never happen is probably the second best activity you could ever spend time on, second only to working on your backgammon tactics. I often participate in similar thinking, but my emphasis of thought is less on zombies and more on dinosaurs. And in my scenarios, the dinosaurs are my friends and we eat ice cream together and play on the swing sets together and I get to go first every time and the dinosaurs don’t mind pushing me as long as I am fair with my time on the swing and agree to push them on the swing when I am done on the swing and then we go eat more ice cream.

You could argue my strategizing is less than reputable since it presents no indication of danger or conflict, but that is why it is so great. If I am going to pretend to care about something that will never happen, I am going to make sure that thing that will never happen is filled with lots of good things like me eating ice cream and swinging on the swing sets and not being a jerk about how much time I spend on the swings and then pushing my dinosaur friends on the swings which makes me feel good because I am helping my new friends and then we eat more ice cream.

Planning ahead is a waste of time; you can’t control the future. Planning ahead for events that will never happen under any circumstance is productive; at least then you can ignore the things that are actually going to happen.


-Matthew Fugere

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