Sage Advice 31: I’m On A Boat

The American dream is ever so highlighted by how much property you own. Having a house and some land to your name is a way to show your family, friends, neighbors, and enemies that you have made something of yourself. However, as the economy makes this dream more and more difficult to attain, people really have to start considering other pieces of property that could easily be rubbed into the faces of other people.

I know you’re thinking of the next best thing: owning other people. Let’s face it, though, if you can’t buy a house, you can’t afford a maid… or a slave. So that’s off the table. But what does that leave for taking as your own? Well, have you ever considered the great sea?

The ocean is impressively massive and not nearly enough people live in or above it. Why not take your investments and some of that 401K and buy a boat? It doesn’t matter what kind of boat, either. So long as it has a cot and a liquor cabinet to store the copious amounts alcohol you’ll need to consume to effectively forget the fact that you just spent your lifesavings on a floating piece of metal and wood, you’ll be good to go!

Imagine how amazing it would be to live on a boat. Your neighbors? Fish! How about dinner? Why not eat your neighbors? Toilet? I hear your neighbors’ house is a great place for that. Are you thirsty? Good thing you brought all that alcohol.

That dream home you’ve planned on buying to start your great new life with your family is most likely sold, too expensive, or on fire. So instead of just sitting around and sulking over how horrible and unfair life can be, turn your fortune around and buy a big ol’ boat. Then get ready to live it up.


-Matthew Fugere

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