Sage Advice 25: The Unknown Law

There are always these interesting laws that are never taken off the books because of the boring and time consuming process that is legislation and amending. They’re usually silly in nature and bar you from doing things you would never consider doing.

I took some time to look up a few of these laws in my hometown, Norfolk, Virginia. The results were very interesting:

  • It is illegal to buy pink socks with the intention of selling them to a gymnast
  • Buying scarves on Sundays during a rainstorm is prohibited
  • People from Italy are not allowed to own iPads without a license (written in 1898)
  • Babies are only allowed one pack of cigarettes a year (rationing law imposed during World War I)
  • C0nsTITSutionz R GAY LOL TITS (scribbled at the bottom of the city’s constitution, possibly graffiti)
  • Dumpster children are to be turned over to the nearest deli immediately
  • It is illegal to count backwards from 10 and skip the number 7 and instead say the number 6 twice
  • Forced fornication of any animal (living or dead) over 10 lbs. is prohibited
  • No Hungarians

As of now, I have not broken a single one of these laws. Frankly, I think that is a problem. How can we know something is illegal if no one ever breaks the law? We all know that murder is only legal if you’re wealthy because we have seen so much court television. We could easily break obscure laws if we’re not informed of their existence by means of reality/24-hour-news television.

So my recommendation to you is that you look into the law books of your town and break the laws no one has broken. What better way to participate in democracy and the judicial system than to be thrown right into its grinder?

Sincerely,

-Matthew Fugere

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