Sage Advice 22: Dividing The Masses

It’s difficult to really figure out what you want to do with your life. Should you pursue a career that will bring you wealth and security? Should you venture towards your dreams, taking up an occupation that truly makes you happy? Should you invest in your business where, for a nominal fee, you and your associates will hurl cats and dogs at your clienteles’  enemies and call the establishment “Make it Rain Cats and Dogs on Your Enemies” (this is now a trademarked idea).

Your heart is telling you to just do what you love while your head is telling you to run toward the dollar sign. It’s very conflicting. That’s why I support imposing some kind of caste system onto this great nation. The biggest downer about capitalism is that every once in awhile a poor person will make a bunch of money. This could easily be stopped if people were born knowing just how insignificant their contribution to society will always be.

It’s a win-win if you really consider it. People who aren’t great will never aspire to be great, so they’ll just stay amongst the smelly masses until their boring, meaningless lives end. Meanwhile, the people who are great will be informed so from birth and never have to actually try to accomplish anything. Essentially, everyone gets what they’re bound to get without having to put forth much effort.

The best thing you can do to get this trend going is to accept your theoretical placement in the caste. Chances are, unless you’re already amazing like Ted Danson or I, you’re probably going to be amongst the sweaty, smelly, mostly unwashed masses. The sooner you accept your worthlessness, the sooner the rest of society can continue being great.


-Matthew Fugere

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