Sage Advice 21: Dinosaurs

There are five groups of people who I do not trust regardless of how much validity rests with their credibility. Of these five, there is one group I cannot stand for the life of me: paleontologists. They are by far the biggest liars in our society.

Most assume my violent spouts of primal rage toward the paleontologist community are fueled by a disbelief of dinosaurs. This isn’t true at all. In fact, I love dinosaurs, which is why I hate these round hat wearing shovel-jockeys even more.

Paleontologists push their artistic rendering of how dinosaurs should really look onto the entire world. Everyone just buys what they have to say simply because they have degrees and experience and facts. I have tried my best to show people my view of how dinosaurs looked by presenting my postmodern existential translucent wire paintings of what I think raptors probably most likely really looked like.

Oh, so raptors shouldn’t be drawn with sunglasses and sweater vests? I’m sorry, did dinosaurs suddenly not believe in fashion because a bunch of hippie Jurassic Park watching jerks decided so? See how they control us?

The main point here is that you should never believe anyone about anything, even if they have spent their lives understanding and studying a subject and you just found out about it a few minutes ago. If I can’t draw a raptor with a top hat, then why should I believe a bunch of scientists when they say raptors had feathers?


-Matthew Fugere

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